Dear Moralist:
When we travel through Asia, my wife insists on leaving the mosquitoes she has killed squashed against her face as a badge of honor. There is frequently blood, never mind the splayed body of the mosquito. I carry moist towlettes for the express purpose of removing such insects, but she refuses to use them. Your thoughts?
Greg
Dear Greg:
I understand your feelings, but Asia is an exasperating continent and often taking the life of a bug proves to be the sole satisfaction of one's day; it's natural to want to gloat. I also believe moist towlettes can be put to better use and as for the blood that mars your wife's face, it is most likely her own.
Dear Moralist:
Why is England so expensive?
Mark and Trudy
Dear Mark and Trudy:
Excellent question. The cost of things in England has astonished visitors for many decades. It's usually difficult to get the English to admit to their stratospheric prices as many have never left the island. Those who have mutter something about their nation being isolated, etc. When in Jolly Old, the only items I purchase are a Mason-Pearson brush and a jar of Tiptree jam. If embarking on a short stay, I bring food in my luggage. And I never, ever buy a grapefruit in England.
Dear Moralist:
During a five-week trip through Italy last summer, my husband refused to utter a single word of Italian. He would not even deign to say "grazie" to waiters, announcing, "If I do, I'll sound stupid."
Grace
Dear Grace:
No, your husband wouldn't have sounded stupid in Italian saying "thank you"; he sounds stupid in English saying that he would.
Dear Moralist:
My boyfriend is from New Hampshire and I never hear the end of it. He claims to hail from one of the "most important" states given that Dixville Notch is the first town in the nation to vote. Give me a break.
Sharon
Dear Sharon:
Yes, every four years during primary season we hear about the Sheraton-Wayfarer in Bedford and about the 23 votes cast in Dixville Notch. For those interested in New England, I recommend Maine.
Dear Moralist:
We live in Tucson, which, as you know, has its share of border strains. My husband has difficulty holding his liquor, never more so than last Thursday when I'm afraid he offended a Syrian couple by playfully recommending we solve our immigration problems by regularly mowing down with a machine gun all applicants for citizenship queuing outside the federal building.
Phyllis
Dear Phyllis:
Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't most of Tucson's "border strains" Mexican in nature? Nor do you explain the presence of your Syrian friends in Arizona (a Fulbright perhaps?). Nonetheless, it's possible that amends are in order. May I suggest you make a "hajj" to their door bearing foods Syrians enjoy such as lamb and, I believe, stuffed grape leaves?
Dear Moralist:
My wife and I each hold Ph.D.s in art history from leading research universities and are somewhat prominent in the Manhattan art world. We recently joined a group of like-minded scholars on a three-week bicycle trip through the Netherlands. By the first afternoon, it was apparent that two scholars were pedalling exceedingly slowly. To wit, we lost sight of them for more than an hour and a half and when they finally appeared they were panting and wheezing. As a result of their tardiness, we missed seeing many precious Vermeers at the Mauritshuis in The Hague. The next morning, one of the scholars expired and the second accompanied his body back to Wisconsin. Nevertheless, we feel the tour operator should issue us a refund for that first catastrophic afternoon.
Paul
Dear Paul:
I agree. Sorry you missed those Vermeers: "Girl With A Pearl Earring" is a must (and I say that independent of the book and subsequent movie). Now that you're back in, presumably, New York, you can view three Vermeers at the Frick and five at the Met (two of which are worth seeing).
Dear Moralist:
My fiancée has in her living room a map of the world into which she presses push pins to indicate places she has visited. She then connects blue thread from these pins to the central pin, representing Minneapolis, where we reside. I recently noticed a pin in Tokyo, but know for a fact that she merely changed planes there. I'd be interested in your opinion.
Derek
Dear Derek:
There are two possibilities. The first is that the pins on your fiancée's map represent places where she has changed aircraft. The second is that your fiancée feels that visiting a place is synonymous with passing time in its airport. Confronting your fiancée may cause her to remove the map, which could be detrimental should you move into her home after marriage and find yourself lamenting its absence.
Dear Moralist:
When we travel abroad, my husband insists on looking like a grub. He wears dirty, tacky clothing, shaves in a sloppy manner or not at all, etc. I believe we are ambassadors for our country and our appearance should reflect that.
Sylvia
Dear Sylvia:
No, your husband is not an ambassador unless he happens to have donated a substantial sum to the American political party in power and to have been rewarded with a sinecure which, I'll grant you, does require shaving and a clean shirt. Ask yourself if your husband will ever again see any of the people you meet oversees. The answer, in the case of a train conductor in Hyderabad, is "probably not." Essentially, it doesn't matter how we Americans are seen by others. They still all want to be us whether we have gravy stains on our trousers or not. Our personal grooming and appearance are irrelevant except in the following locations: the entire nation of France, London, Gloucestershire, Oxfordshire, and the north-east quadrant of Sardinia (between July 1st and September 15th).
