Satisfy Your Wife Emotionally and Protect Your Marriage--government message on Saudi billboards
Faisal: Were you satisfied last night?
Aamina: What? At the barbecue?
Faisal: Yes.
Aamina: Shish kebab.
Faisal: You do not sound satisfied.
Aamina: I'm getting a little tired of lamb. Is that all your brother knows how to cook?
Faisal: I had difficulty reading your feelings.
Aamina: I'm not surprised: in my full-length abaya, with the hijab over my head, and a niqab across my face.
Faisal: It is important to protect your modesty.
Aamina: I've heard this.
Faisal: Vital. There was a male present who was not a direct relation.
Aamina: Right.
Faisal: Dearest, do not be angry. Perhaps today we can go for a drive.
Aamina: You mean you can go for a drive while I sit in the backseat.
Faisal: You didn't like the barbecue.
Aamina: Since when do you care?
Faisal: Aamina, I value your happiness above all else.
Aamina: Knock it off, Faisal; I've got a lot to do this morning.
Faisal: If you're less than happy, I want to know.
Aamina: I'm less than happy.
Faisal: How can we remedy this?
(Long, tense silence)
Faisal: Look, I brought you this for your terrarium.
Aamina: Great: more sand.
Faisal: You do not like sand?
Aamina: I do not like sand. I do not like lamb. I do not like black. And I do not like Grandfather.
Faisal: Aamina! You must respect Grandfather Fahim. His name means "intelligent."
Aamina: You could have fooled me.
Faisal: Come, sit down. Let us talk.
Aamina: What's gotten into you? Tell me.
Faisal: I saw a billboard.
Aamina: So?
Faisal: We must protect our marriage. To do so, I must strive to satisfy you emotionally.
Aamina: Yet if I drive a car, I receive 200 lashes of the whip.
Faisal: These are not my rules.
Aamina: I would like to sit in the driver's seat and pretend to drive the car.
Faisal: You must have sunstroke.
Aamina: I'll do it in the garage: no one will see.
Faisal: But why?
Aamina: It will satisfy me emotionally.
Faisal: May I instead suggest a shopping excursion?
Aamina: No.
Faisal: Well, that is what I am suggesting.
Aamina: I don't enjoy excursions in the company of a male guardian. I've told you I don't like Grandfather.
Faisal: Am I to assume you also do not like Father, Uncle, Son or Brother?
Aamina: Uncle Gabir, whose name means "comforter" or "consoler," made a pass at me.
Faisal: I do not like your tone.
Aamina: You do not like my message.
Faisal: I do not believe it.
Aamina: He tried to fasten my seat belt; he leaned across my bosom...
Faisal: Enough. Today you will not sit in the hot garage in a parked car. Today you will work on your terrarium.
Aamina: And which of your other wives will you be with?
Faisal: Don't start.
Aamina: I want to go over to Shada's.
Faisal: To watch Western television?
Aamina: What other kind is there?
Faisal: I prefer you to be with Brother Abdullah, whose name means "servant of Allah."
Aamina: How convenient.
Faisal: Your meaning escapes me.
Aamina: Everything Abdullah does is the will of Allah?
Faisal: Pretty much, yes.
Aamina: Then why can Abdullah not gain entrance to medical school?
Faisal: Because Allah does not intend it.
Aamina: Allah intends Abdullah to be an osteopath?
Faisal: You tire me, darling.
Aamina: No, Faisal. It is I who am tired. Everything I want to do is forbidden.
Faisal: Such is the nature of sin.
Aamina: How can it be a sin for me to sit in a car?
Faisal: It is not a sin for you to sit in a car. It is a sin for you to sit in a moving car unaccompanied by a male.
Aamina: You are as dense as this bag of sand.
Faisal: You speak in anger.
Aamina: Sand is dirt. A woman wants flowers.
Faisal: We dwell in the desert.
Aamina: Tell me about it.
Faisal: Dearest...the position of women in Saudi Arabian society is a complex and frequently misunderstood issue.
Aamina: Where's this coming from? Another billboard?
Faisal: The King's Web site.
Aamina: Please.
Faisal: The King is wise.
Aamina: The King is 85.
Faisal: With age comes wisdom.
Aamina: Let Grandfather in on the secret.
Faisal: Come. Let us pour this fresh sand in your terrarium.
Aamina: Get this through your skull: I am not working on that terrarium today.
Faisal: Darling, I want only harmony.
Aamina: And I want only to sit in the car, to move the steering wheel, and to make engine noises like a six-year-old boy.
Faisal: But you are not six years old.
Aamina: I know: I'm 37.
Faisal: You are not a boy.
